Writing through pain and committing to presence

/ Pelagia Pais/
Writing through pain and committing to presence

At the end of last year, I made a few commitments with myself. One of them, was to write on my book every day of the month of January. The other one, also relevant to the month of January, was to show up on video (full body) every day for 21 days to guide others through the Morning Star Practice.

These two commitments were made at different times. The challenge I thought of back in November. The commitment to write ever day on my book was literally just before the festive season.

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Time

/ Pelagia Pais /
Time

I seem to be missing time at the moment. Like there isn’t enough of it. Like I keep filling it with things that I’m not sure I am supposed to do. Like I have no purpose with my time. Like my time does not belong to me.

I’m sure this is a very relatable feeling. As I’m hitting the keyboard with these words, an idea starts building in my head that maybe the reason why I feel like my time does not belong to me, is exactly because it doesn’t. Because I am filling that time with things I don’t want to do but force myself to do because I feel I ‘need’ to do them.

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'Shallow'

/ Pelagia Pais - Women's Empowerment Coach/
'Shallow'

I started watching ‘A Star is Born’ the other day. I haven’t even finished watching the whole movie and the song ‘Shallow’ keeps coming to my head. I looked at the lyrics and they spoke to me and they spoke to what I offer in my Women’s Empowerment Coaching sessions.

So much so, that here I am writing about this song.

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A smile, a word - How to Make a Difference

/ Pelagia Pais - Women's Empowerment Coach/
A smile, a word - How to Make a Difference

I have no idea of what you think of angels, and I didn’t use to think much about them, but it is events like this that make me believe that there are some angels on this earth and Tom was one of them.

This whole conversation took only a couple of minutes, but at the end of it, I had a massive smile on my face and I was so so grateful. I was pulled out of a series of negative and low type of thoughts. I was lifted by this man’s openness and bright spirit.

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She held me in her arms

/ Pelagia Pais/
She held me in her arms

She beckoned me to her, showed me how my body could easily lean into her and inspired a poem. 

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SheSpeaks SheListens

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SheSpeaks SheListens

A few months ago, a friend of mine got int touch saying ‘You have to listen to this podcast!’ with a link to an episode of the ‘Feel Better, Live More’ episode of Dr. Rangan Chaterjee and Johan Hari on ‘Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression’ link: https://open.spotify.com/episode/55Rq6GthFzVByDXsTR1BUb?si=yWwRKgmJT_OHf5KW4uxJdQ. I must admit that my first reaction was, oh another thing talking about depression, I’m not sure I want to listen to it. Yet, a voice within me and an impulse led me to listen. The conversation went for so long that there are two episodes, and I have now listened to both episodes three times. There is so much interesting content in there, and for me personally, there were a few parts of the conversation that really touched me to the point of tears.

Listening to how there is a lack in listening, connecting in real life and a sense of community. I was moved to take action. An idea started to take shape within me. I wanted to take part in helping others to feel heard. I felt I had limited resources to making this happen in person, and so I put my thinking hat on and started coming up with ideas of how to go about doing this. The idea has had a few shifts and changes but I have for now settled with a name and an idea of how I can make this happen online. As my work is mainly focused on guiding women, I thought it was only natural that I made this offer for women.

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She shows herself

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She shows herself

Art Expression. A moment of inspiration. Drawing as a holistic experience where healing, art and words come together at the same time. 

These are the words that came out from the inspiration moment of creating a piece of art that was already hovering in my perception.  

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How to be a Scientist of the Self - an example

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How to be a Scientist of the Self - an example

 ‘Being a Scientist of the Self, means that you take a separate role within yourself and become an observer of your own living experience. After all, you are the most absolute expert at being you. No one else has a clue of what it truly means to be you. You do you in a way that no one else can.’ Pelagia Pais

This piece is an example of how I use this concept for my own self-inquiry and growth. The better I know myself, what motivates my actions and reactions in daily life, the easier it gets for me and for those around me, ultimately, having a bigger impact through ripples into the bigger world. 

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I walk in beauty

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I walk in beauty

I was walking back from the seaside, noticing how light and relaxed my body felt when suddenly this line came to my head: ‘I walk in beauty’. It made so much sense and that sentence fitted perfectly with how I felt in that moment.

I felt beautiful because I could sense my body walking following its natural relaxed movement, I felt super soft inside, my legs had a relaxed certainty about them, my arms were dangling in what felt like the perfect movement, I was standing tall without any conscious effort, I had a smile on my face and I felt beautiful.

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Coming up for air

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Coming up for air

Since about October last year, I have been feeling that something deep and big is coming up to the surface within me. It is very unpleasant. I have possibly been running away from confronting this thing and it seems that the time feels right now.

The last few weeks, I have felt like I have been stuck in a dark place where the feelings of rejection, being a fraud and intense fear have surrounded me every day. It has been very scary and overwhelming. Affecting the energy in my body, meaning that I have mostly felt depleted and like I have been running on empty.

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Season Greetings

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Season Greetings

I had prepared a nice graphic with the 'normal' and expected Merry Christmas and Happy New Year message and was about to write something but nothing felt honest and authentic within me. So here is what came up…

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He - Masculine | She - Feminine

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He - Masculine | She - Feminine

The first two chapters of this story were inspired by a dream a friend of mine shared with me. The dream had a specific meaning for her. When I heard it I heard something else and all of a sudden this story started to unfold in my head.

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Peeling layers

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Peeling layers

Making public my theory or sensing on subjects like the one on my last post, is quite the nerve wrecking experience. I notice that I have been shying away from publishing anything like this, unless it comes from a very particular personal experience.

I have a fear of saying something controversial. I have a fear of saying something wrong. I have a fear of being judged as fluffy and without depth. I have a fear of people attacking my view. I have a fear of confrontation online and in person.

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A Message: This is a time...

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A Message: This is a time...

I have been sensing this message for quite some time but only today I felt called to put it down on paper as well as make it public. Hoping it resonates and inspires you to go deeper within yourself as well as have a different experience when listening or sharing stories.

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Journeying within and writing

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Journeying within and writing

I feel that this has been coming together for some time. Back in July, I received a clear message that I must write more, that I must share my ‘voice’.

I started writing more social media posts, exploring expressing myself and what I was experiencing with the written word.

The message to write and share my ‘voice’ continued to show up in many ways in the months after. I carried on writing.

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Sadness

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Sadness

A poem I wrote on Sadness.
I was sitting on the sofa. The word sadness jumped into my awareness. I knew I had to do something with it. I delayed taking any action for a little while, seeking a distraction, yet I knew that the word was still there, patiently waiting for me to grab some pen and paper. Finally I do and this is what comes out…

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Inspired by

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Inspired by

In this short post, I share a series of podcasts that have been filling my cup recently. I wanted you to also have access to them in the hope they may come to you in the same way they came to me and bring you what they are bringing me.

Who is inspiring you at the moment?

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Invitation to Shine

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Invitation to Shine

Out of a very personal experience, I compiled a short playlist which I want to share. Hoping that you find the time in your life to allow yourself to travel within you through the sound of music and connect deeply with yourself.

Time for some self-care and self-healing.

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My Experience: Vipassana Meditation 10 Silent Retreat

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My Experience: Vipassana Meditation 10 Silent Retreat

At the beginning of November I attended a Vipassana Meditation 10 day Silent Retreat. I have made a video where I share about my experience. Hope you enjoy it!

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Looking for support

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Looking for support

I would now like to talk about support. A few weeks back I wrote a post ‘Who am I’ (https://www.pelagiapais.com/blog/2018/9/12/who-am-i) telling my story so far. It is a long post and right at the end I added this bit that follows. It feels really vulnerable to ask for support and I have a fear of being judged for this, but I feel it is time to ask for support following my dream, because I do not have to do this on my own.

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