When Sleep Does Not Come
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When I can’t sleep, sometimes, I write poetry. This is what happens When Sleep Does Not Come.
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Pain Is My Companion
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This is a poem about the physical and emotional pain of remembering trauma from the past. It was written a while after another flashback, in the autumn of 2020. I first had the flashback and a few weeks later my body just went into excruciating pain. The emotional pain of remembering was followed by physical pain.
Read MoreWriting through pain and committing to presence
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At the end of last year, I made a few commitments with myself. One of them, was to write on my book every day of the month of January. The other one, also relevant to the month of January, was to show up on video (full body) every day for 21 days to guide others through the Morning Star Practice.
These two commitments were made at different times. The challenge I thought of back in November. The commitment to write ever day on my book was literally just before the festive season.
Read More'Failing at Life' on failure and perspective
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As I went through another deep dive into myself this October and November, I very easily forget about my past and I feel incredibly disappointed and frustrated that I have not gotten to where I thought I would be by now, in particular in my business and in providing myself financial stability.
And the word failure surfaces again, and again. In fact, this year, I have done so many things that I labelled as failure when in fact, they have mostly been ways into giving myself some time and support that I need in my day to day life.
Read MoreTime
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I seem to be missing time at the moment. Like there isn’t enough of it. Like I keep filling it with things that I’m not sure I am supposed to do. Like I have no purpose with my time. Like my time does not belong to me.
I’m sure this is a very relatable feeling. As I’m hitting the keyboard with these words, an idea starts building in my head that maybe the reason why I feel like my time does not belong to me, is exactly because it doesn’t. Because I am filling that time with things I don’t want to do but force myself to do because I feel I ‘need’ to do them.
Read MoreI was born to be a mother
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This piece came to me this morning. It started with the title. Once sentence. I felt the calling to come and sit down and just start writing. I had no clear idea of what was going to come next, although I had a vague idea. This thought and sentence has been present in my life in different levels of intensity and awareness.
It feels a little bit uncomfortable to publish it, yet, the calling to do it, is here and I feel I must abide. One deep breath, and I press ‘publish’.
Read MoreMud, Sweat & Fear: The Journey to Braveheart
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Online Snapshots versus Reality
I must say, I love all those stories of the successful turning around from nothing to lots. If you are coming here for that, you will be disappointed, there are loads of those all over the internet. This is me, right in the middle of the muddy, messy part of my life, of having my own business and not being successful, yet.
Read More'I am fat'
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There you go, I can finally say (or write) this in a way that brings no strong reaction or emotion within me. I see it as a simple neutral statement that describes my body. My body is fat. I am fat.
This has not always been like this. Not so long ago, I would have cringed, felt deep shame, denied it, or chosen whatever other words I could think of, that felt more soothing to my self-perception.
Read More'Shallow'
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I started watching ‘A Star is Born’ the other day. I haven’t even finished watching the whole movie and the song ‘Shallow’ keeps coming to my head. I looked at the lyrics and they spoke to me and they spoke to what I offer in my Women’s Empowerment Coaching sessions.
So much so, that here I am writing about this song.
Read MoreA smile, a word - How to Make a Difference
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I have no idea of what you think of angels, and I didn’t use to think much about them, but it is events like this that make me believe that there are some angels on this earth and Tom was one of them.
This whole conversation took only a couple of minutes, but at the end of it, I had a massive smile on my face and I was so so grateful. I was pulled out of a series of negative and low type of thoughts. I was lifted by this man’s openness and bright spirit.
Read MoreShe held me in her arms
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She beckoned me to her, showed me how my body could easily lean into her and inspired a poem.
Read More'What about me?' The Before - part I
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‘What about me?’ This question popped into my mind several times in my life.
I am giver. I spent a lifetime giving my love, attention, energy, to work and people. I gave, again and again, and there would be times, when I would somehow stop and ask myself: ‘What about me?’
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This is the first part of a two part post. A before and after account of what has changed in me. How I became aware of the many aspects of being me and what it means in practice to become aware, the transformation and the benefits.
Read MoreSheSpeaks SheListens
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A few months ago, a friend of mine got int touch saying ‘You have to listen to this podcast!’ with a link to an episode of the ‘Feel Better, Live More’ episode of Dr. Rangan Chaterjee and Johan Hari on ‘Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression’ link: https://open.spotify.com/episode/55Rq6GthFzVByDXsTR1BUb?si=yWwRKgmJT_OHf5KW4uxJdQ. I must admit that my first reaction was, oh another thing talking about depression, I’m not sure I want to listen to it. Yet, a voice within me and an impulse led me to listen. The conversation went for so long that there are two episodes, and I have now listened to both episodes three times. There is so much interesting content in there, and for me personally, there were a few parts of the conversation that really touched me to the point of tears.
Listening to how there is a lack in listening, connecting in real life and a sense of community. I was moved to take action. An idea started to take shape within me. I wanted to take part in helping others to feel heard. I felt I had limited resources to making this happen in person, and so I put my thinking hat on and started coming up with ideas of how to go about doing this. The idea has had a few shifts and changes but I have for now settled with a name and an idea of how I can make this happen online. As my work is mainly focused on guiding women, I thought it was only natural that I made this offer for women.
Read MoreMy energy, my mood and the Moon
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This post will be a mixture of the ‘Books that changed my life’ posts I have shared on my social media (check Instagram or Facebook) and a longer reflection on this subject and my experience.
I read ‘Code Red: Know your flow, unlock your monthly super powers and create a bloody amazing life. Period’ by Lisa Lister back in 2017. I don’t quite remember how the book came to me but when I read it, it changed my view of my menstrual cycle quite dramatically. What I once saw as a painful and uncomfortable monthly nuisance, I could now see as something different. I could see that by understanding my cycle I could understand myself better. My moods, my energy and how to harness this knowing into making time to honour the different stages of the cycle.
As I read the book, for the first time in my life, I actually had the time and disposition to observe my body better and try and identify all the phases of my menstrual cycle. As time went on, I started getting confused and then frustrated, because my cycle seemed to not conform to the descriptions in the book.
Read MoreShe shows herself
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Art Expression. A moment of inspiration. Drawing as a holistic experience where healing, art and words come together at the same time.
These are the words that came out from the inspiration moment of creating a piece of art that was already hovering in my perception.
Read MoreHow to be a Scientist of the Self - an example
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‘Being a Scientist of the Self, means that you take a separate role within yourself and become an observer of your own living experience. After all, you are the most absolute expert at being you. No one else has a clue of what it truly means to be you. You do you in a way that no one else can.’ Pelagia Pais
This piece is an example of how I use this concept for my own self-inquiry and growth. The better I know myself, what motivates my actions and reactions in daily life, the easier it gets for me and for those around me, ultimately, having a bigger impact through ripples into the bigger world.
Read MoreFrom Noticing to Change
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Some months, on the first day of my period, just like today, all I feel like doing is this:
Recline
Read a book
Watch something light on TV
Knit
Listen to an audiobook
Nap
Read MoreRemembering Trauma - my story
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The following text is a post on my experience of remembering trauma and I share something that feels very sensitive. The path for me to actually press the publish button, has felt long and painful. The more I felt the push to publish, the more fears came up, the fear is still here, right now, as I write, and I am still going to press the publish button.
The push eventually subsided and now I have a sense that these words need to be said so that I can carry on exploring my authentic self in all it’s colours, variations and emotions. It feels like I can no longer write about anything without sharing this first.
Read MoreAgony
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At the beginning of the year I spent a couple of months back in Portugal, where I come from. During that time a lot happened. It was intense and there has been a memory from the past, that keeps wanting to be released and shared here. During this particular time in Portugal, this desire to share that story was intensified, to a point where it felt suffocating not to and there was an intense urgency for doing it. Eventually the urgency disappeared and now I am just waiting for a time that feels right, inside of me.
I wrote something about that memory. I will be sharing it soon. For now, I want to share a poem I wrote about how that agony felt inside of me then and in a much lower intensity, is still felt now.
Read MoreOld me, new me – deep in the process of transformation
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I have been quiet for what feels like a very long time. This morning, a friend encouraged me to share this part of my process even though I feel a little bit stuck and slightly uncomfortable. There is a lot to share from the last month and a half but I don’t feel ready to share everything just now. All in due time.
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