Writing through pain and committing to presence

/ Pelagia Pais/
Writing through pain and committing to presence

At the end of last year, I made a few commitments with myself. One of them, was to write on my book every day of the month of January. The other one, also relevant to the month of January, was to show up on video (full body) every day for 21 days to guide others through the Morning Star Practice.

These two commitments were made at different times. The challenge I thought of back in November. The commitment to write ever day on my book was literally just before the festive season.

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Time

/ Pelagia Pais /
Time

I seem to be missing time at the moment. Like there isn’t enough of it. Like I keep filling it with things that I’m not sure I am supposed to do. Like I have no purpose with my time. Like my time does not belong to me.

I’m sure this is a very relatable feeling. As I’m hitting the keyboard with these words, an idea starts building in my head that maybe the reason why I feel like my time does not belong to me, is exactly because it doesn’t. Because I am filling that time with things I don’t want to do but force myself to do because I feel I ‘need’ to do them.

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She shows herself

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She shows herself

Art Expression. A moment of inspiration. Drawing as a holistic experience where healing, art and words come together at the same time. 

These are the words that came out from the inspiration moment of creating a piece of art that was already hovering in my perception.  

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I walk in beauty

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I walk in beauty

I was walking back from the seaside, noticing how light and relaxed my body felt when suddenly this line came to my head: ‘I walk in beauty’. It made so much sense and that sentence fitted perfectly with how I felt in that moment.

I felt beautiful because I could sense my body walking following its natural relaxed movement, I felt super soft inside, my legs had a relaxed certainty about them, my arms were dangling in what felt like the perfect movement, I was standing tall without any conscious effort, I had a smile on my face and I felt beautiful.

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Journeying within and writing

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Journeying within and writing

I feel that this has been coming together for some time. Back in July, I received a clear message that I must write more, that I must share my ‘voice’.

I started writing more social media posts, exploring expressing myself and what I was experiencing with the written word.

The message to write and share my ‘voice’ continued to show up in many ways in the months after. I carried on writing.

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Invitation to Shine

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Invitation to Shine

Out of a very personal experience, I compiled a short playlist which I want to share. Hoping that you find the time in your life to allow yourself to travel within you through the sound of music and connect deeply with yourself.

Time for some self-care and self-healing.

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Looking for support

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Looking for support

I would now like to talk about support. A few weeks back I wrote a post ‘Who am I’ (https://www.pelagiapais.com/blog/2018/9/12/who-am-i) telling my story so far. It is a long post and right at the end I added this bit that follows. It feels really vulnerable to ask for support and I have a fear of being judged for this, but I feel it is time to ask for support following my dream, because I do not have to do this on my own.

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Poem: In Stillness

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Poem: In Stillness

This poem was written in February 2018 and it came out in flow from journalling. Suddenly one word joined another and it seemed to have a kind of song in it that makes it a poem, and there it was. The way this poem came out was different from my first one and it showed me the different ways they can come to me. Hope you enjoy it.

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I am here to heal the feminine

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I am here to heal the feminine

‘I am here to heal the feminine’

This was a part of what came up for me this weekend when I participated in a workshop with the title: Magdalena: Mother, Teacher, Whore, lead beautifully and vulnerably by Winter Jade Icely @the_sexwitch.

When I uttered these words out loud, surrounded by a group of women, my body felt full of electricity. I felt the truth in these words deep in my whole being.

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I: a poem

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I: a poem

This is a poem I wrote from an intense body sensory experience in Bletchley, February 2018. I will be adding some more of my poetry in the coming days. These pieces have all been written from a place of flow and inspiration, with no planning. I never thought I would be writing poetry, yet, here I am. I hope you enjoy this piece as well as my future ones.

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