(This post was first sent as a newsletter on the 30 October 2019. If you would like to receive original content monthly straight to your inbox, please sign up here.)

Yes, you read it right. I did just write that. A charming way to start a newsletter...

The thing is, perfection has been for some time something that has stopped me from doing many things in life and in this case, from releasing something I have created months ago. I bet perfection stops you too...

Earlier this year, I put together a meditation. Something that really helped me shift my energy. I was aware of how tired I felt all the time, how I always seemed to be lacking in energy. I felt helpless to shift this for quite a long time.

Feeling tired and lacking energy served me for a while, when I needed healing and resting was the best medicine, it forced my body into stillness. But as time went by, I started feeling like the tiredness and lack of energy did not did not seem quite right.

At the beginning of this year, I set the intention to notice my energy and its patterns. This noticing, together with a few synchronistic events lead me to putting together and starting a daily practice that would make a massive change.

Very soon after, I felt the call to share this practice with others. I thought that if it helped me, it may help others too. I created a script quite quickly. Recorded a version on my phone, and sent it off to a few friends to get some feedback. In that first recording, I laugh at a mistake I made but continued recording and it was that very imperfect version, I sent out. At that point, I wanted feedback on the content and the timing. I did not care for that imperfection. It was, of course, noticed by the friends listening, who told me that it was distracting. I reassured them that this was only the first recording and I would be recording it again properly after receiving some more feedback.

Well… let me tell you something, I have now recorded this guided meditation around thirty times.

Even before I started recording, I decided I needed music to accompany the meditation. This lead to quite a delay as I soon realised I needed to find music that I can use for free. I started thinking of how I could record my voice and music at the same time... It all became far too complicated and I gave it all up for a while. Eventually, after reading how others had started recording their first podcasts inside a wardrobe on their phone and with just some normal earphones, I had the first stage of the ‘f*ck perfect!’ effect. I decided I would record it just with my voice and that would be good enough. First hurdle, overcome!

I started recording. Soon enough, I started noticing the way I was saying some words or how my voice was sounding. I decided that several versions were just not good enough. This continued for months. I would think of recording the meditation and then realise that I was too anxious, breathless, not grounded enough, sounded too excitable, did not sound serious enough, sounded too serious, that my energy was not right, that I had been angry a few hours before and maybe people would be able to tell… there were many, many reasons for why those versions were not good enough. I stopped trying for another while.

I got the shop ready, I created a design, I wrote more information about the meditation, I tested everything. I’ve had that side of things ready for months.

In the meantime, I have been waiting for perfection.

I wanted perfection. The sound to be perfect, my voice and tone to be perfect, the breaks and cadence to be perfect. My energy to be perfect. This wanting for it to be so perfect lead me to becoming completely stuck. Stuck between the desire to share something I felt was important for me to bring out and for the need to make it perfect. I entertained the idea of just giving it all up.

Until last Monday morning…

I woke up exhausted because my dog friend Rufus spent the last couple of nights terrified because of the fireworks. I also had a few weeks of not much sleep. When this happens, I quickly escalate into feeling low and having more pain in my body, creating a vicious circle of no sleep = pain = no sleep, etc. I started the day crying and feeling helpless. Feeling angry and ill tempered. Frustrated!

Only this time, this anger and frustration moved me into action. I decided to start the day, not by just getting up and taking Rufus for a walk, like I have been doing for the last few weeks, but by standing up and doing my own guided meditation; followed by the 4-7-8 breathing and moving to a song. Something changed and as I was recording my stories on Instagram I committed there and then, to recording the meditation regardless of how I felt, what had happened before and sending it with this month’s newsletter.

I still felt tired, but I had a different energy running inside of me and I was no longer feeling helpless. I did something that helped me shift the way I felt and I went about the rest of the day trusting that I would do what I had promised myself I would do.

When I finally sat down to record the meditation I made the decision that it did not need to be perfect. It would be perfectly imperfect, just like I am.

It is, after all, my first ever recording of a guided meditation. Interestingly enough, letting go of perfection, felt like it allowed the pressure to come off. My voice felt steady, clear and confident in all the right ways. There was still some outside noise, but I live in a big city and that is always going to be present when recording at home. The only thing is, I have heard it now so many times that I feel like I’m no longer sure how it is supposed to sound.

So, here it is, my first ever recorded guided meditation. A standing guided meditation which I named ‘Morning Star’, as it is suggested to be done in the morning.

A series of exercises that include the body, the breath and some imagination and which is meant to help you reclaim your energy and power, help you start your day feeling centred within yourself and grounded, ready for whatever your day brings you.

One of the things that was quite clear about this guided meditation, is that I would like to receive something back from it. I went inside and reflected on this and decided that I would offer it in a range of prices (from £3 to £10). I’m at a point where it feels really important for me to receive something back from my work. I am ready to receive.

I created a little sample for you to have a listen to the beginning of the meditation and do the first exercise. Click here to listen to it.

For accessing the full standing guided meditation, please visit my shop here: https://www.pelagiapais.com/shop You are the first ones to actually get the opportunity to get it.

I finish this month’s newsletter with these questions for you: how has perfection stopped you from doing things in life? Is there a particular thing you really would love to do or share that you could say ‘F*ck Perfect!’ to and just take action?

I would love to hear from you, be it about your answers to the questions above, with some feedback on the guided meditation or simply to say hello.

In the meantime, I wish you a wonderful day and see you next month, if not before!

With love,

Pelagia