I think I’m depressed.

Low level depressed.

I have no inspiration, or motivation.

Nothing is being created and I’m an arid land.

I feel nothing and I feel everything.

I don’t have inspiration to create and even though I find this sad, I don’t feel like crying.

The thought of death flutters through my mind.

Just like the world, right now, I feel like I am falling apart.

Everything is falling apart.

Free falling in random patterns.

I am invited to dispose of all the things and ideas of what I think makes my identity.

I am invited to accept that I am nothing. I am emptying.

I am invited to continue to empty myself of all the notions I have of myself and the world.

It feels like a constant purging. An endless throwing up. (deep down, I know there is an end)

For now, this purging will continue. This letting go. This feeling of not feeling, of not knowing, of being blind.

The world is free falling, and so am I.

I have no clue where I’ll end up or how the world is going to look tomorrow. The day after. Next month or next year.

It is a radically different way of being.

Nothing is ever going to be the same again. Nothing.

Change, after change, after change.
Purging, more purging and some more purging.

Throwing up all the rubbish in the world.

Throwing up everything we have been forced to swallow and have been trying to digest for so so long.

It’s all coming out.

It will never be able to go back in.

My mouth is tightly shut and I will not accept your shit any more.

You can keep your shit and your illness, your sick mind and ideas.

You cannot reach me any more and you certainly cannot shut my voice and all that I have to say.

You’ve had way too much air time.

It is time for you to be fired, banished into the poison of your own creation.

You are rubbish. You have brought rubbish into me and my life.

This rubbish has sickened and weakened me, but no more!

I’ve had enough. It stops here.

My mouth is going to be the instrument of my salvation.

I will allow the beauty I hold inside to come out.

From my mouth will come my true and deep voice.

A voice of revolution. Unlike any other revolution.

Everything is new. Unknown. Unseen. Unheard. Brand new.

Unexpected, authentic, brave, sparkling. True.

The world is changing. I am part of it and so are you. Get ready!

By Pelagia Pais