I haven’t written much on my book in recent weeks. The other day, I felt guided to give myself permission not to write at all. To not force or make myself feel guilty for not doing it.

I have the habit of pushing and forcing things. I understand the need or benefit of pursuing something, like writing this book, and I just launch myself into it like I am on a mission. The thing is, the subject of this book is quite intense. Awareness of certain threads are only now coming to the surface. And so, instead of pushing and forcing, I understand that this process needs time. Time to absorb and process what has been coming to the surface, time to heal.

Part of the process of writing this book has been to sit and connect with my Inner Child, however she shows up for me. She has shown up in pain, in joy, with hatred and with love. At the beginning of the year I decided that every time I was sitting to have some quiet time, that I was going to spend some of that time connecting to my Inner Child. This lead me to some painful encounters, as well as some amazing joyful and playful ones. After each encounter, I sat and wrote about them to have them as part of the book.

This was also too much. I started feeling resentful of forgoing my quiet time, a time where I just am and allow whatever needs to surface to come to me. I felt the pressure of having to show up for my Inner Child as well as guilty of when I didn’t.

So when I decided to leave the writing of the book alone, I decided that I was also not going to force these encounters. I was going to leave them be for a while and allow myself empty quiet times, with no agenda, not pushing or forcing.

Yet, I have allowed the concept of the book to mull over in the back of my mind. By sharing about the book the other day with someone who asked about it, I gained clarity that the content of the book will have a part where I share encounters with my Inner Child and the part of the process of healing, and the other part is about me sharing the impact of childhood sexual abuse, together with other early childhood traumas has had in my life at different levels Linking the past with the present. Bringing light and awareness to the different aspects of myself and the continuous shifts that are and will continue to happen.

Writing a book has many elements. In particular when writing a book of this nature. I am learning that writing a book does not always mean actually sitting down at the computer and typing away. Sometimes, it means reflecting on the process, as I am doing now in this post. Or it means, letting it go for a while. Allow for space without pressure, so that it can flourish. Just like a flower, I cannot push my book to open and come into existence, I cannot force a flower to open and flourish. Everything happens in its own time, and the common element in all of this process is: TRUST.

Thank you for being here.

With love,

Pelagia