Featured
Thank you for visiting!
This is a poem about the physical and emotional pain of remembering trauma from the past. It was written a while after another flashback, in the autumn of 2020. I first had the flashback and a few weeks later my body just went into excruciating pain. The emotional pain of remembering was followed by physical pain.
Before starting, I just want to caution you to the content of this post. It is about child sexual abuse and maybe you may want to check within yourself if this is a good time for you to read it.
Going deeper into the feeling of abandonment that has taken over me in the last few weeks. Exploring what message this unsettling feeling and fear is bringing for me, for you and the world.
Sometimes, in life, really hard and tough decisions need to be made in order to stand up for ourselves. So that we don't allow poison disguised as love to break us down. So that we can survive. T
These are my words regarding the reason why I decided to not speak or have any contact with my parents.
The following text is a post on my experience of remembering trauma and I share something that feels very sensitive. The path for me to actually press the publish button, has felt long and painful. The more I felt the push to publish, the more fears came up, the fear is still here, right now, as I write, and I am still going to press the publish button.
The push eventually subsided and now I have a sense that these words need to be said so that I can carry on exploring my authentic self in all it’s colours, variations and emotions. It feels like I can no longer write about anything without sharing this first.
At the beginning of the year I spent a couple of months back in Portugal, where I come from. During that time a lot happened. It was intense and there has been a memory from the past, that keeps wanting to be released and shared here. During this particular time in Portugal, this desire to share that story was intensified, to a point where it felt suffocating not to and there was an intense urgency for doing it. Eventually the urgency disappeared and now I am just waiting for a time that feels right, inside of me.
I wrote something about that memory. I will be sharing it soon. For now, I want to share a poem I wrote about how that agony felt inside of me then and in a much lower intensity, is still felt now.
Thank you for visiting!
In this poem I address the cyclical nature of trauma through generations and time. How it happens in the family and in community, often institutions viewed by society as sacred.